L.J. McLean

Do different things.

The simplest New Year’s resolution I could come up with for as long as I could remember. Last year was a life changer. Up until the holidays, it felt like it was the day after the move. Some insidious Groundhog Day in my subconscious. Visceral. A constant tick on my neck. It never went away, no matter how many times I meditated or practice yoga, or crank the music up to dislodge the constant worry from the outside world. It never settled for a few months.

Cabin fever went up several notches for the second half of the year. I found ways to manage it. Talking about them will take some time to share.

For Thanksgiving one weekend, then a company Christmas party and a broadway show with Mom another weekend, I drove from my new home to my Mom’s place in Seal Beach. In the dark. Driving through southern Nevada and California desert has a different feeling than daytime driving. The landscape was pitch black with no moon in the starry sky. Only the car head- and taillights on the highway lit the way. Towns and rest stops turn into havens in the darkness. It takes about four and a half hours to travel on average. For any stops at rest stops, gas stations, roadside attractions, major cities, or sudden road work, the arrival time varied. If I leave home right at 3:10PM. Arrival time is between 7 to 9 at night. Best to bring music, podcasts, people, or a radio station.

After all the traveling, I got sick. A royally bad sinus flu overcame me two days after coming home. I turned into a mouth breather for two weeks. The number of tissues in my waste basket was horrible, yet somewhat impressive in a weird way.

Then my Mom came to visit.

This was pre-planned she’d spend Christmas weekend with me. We stayed off the strip at The Orleans. And this was new territory for both of us. Our family never traveled on Christmas to major destinations, let alone go anywhere with huge crowds during the holidays. We adapted quickly by going to old restaurant haunts, showed her places I frequented, watched Blue Man Group at Luxor, slept a lot, and discussed some stuff.

The annoying bit was before I picked her up at the airport, I discovered I had a pack rat attack. The little bugger chewed through one of my ignition cables and attempted to work on another one while packing around them with furniture foam from somewhere I do not know. Luckily the EV motor wasn’t affected and I drove it to the dealer to repair the damage. $700 out of pocket. I didn’t let it bother me since I had savings AND rented a Camry for a night.

With all the craziness of that plus the whole year for both of us, I appreciated having Mom with me.

So here’s what I’ll have to say about 2023: yes, do different things, but stability is number one. Starting with my living situation. I need a permanent place to live. A true home base. Wood fireplace, balcony/patio, garage, and a big bathtub. Oh, and cable or fiber internet. But prices and interest rates are still high. Some say it might be in the middle of summer or late in the year for prices and/or rates to finally balance to affordable levels. I wish that to happen.

Ain’t gonna let another living situation-related panic attack happen to me ever again. Ever.

So, big goals this year, among other long-standing goals after this decade of depression. Hopefully, find a woman to be with me. Who knows, but I’ll make an effort.